


Just Tonight

by comfy3666



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Brief suicidal ideation, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, discussion of mature content, up to the reader if hinata loves komaeda back or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comfy3666/pseuds/comfy3666
Summary: Komaeda is in love with Hinata, and will let himself be used if it means being close to him.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 5
Kudos: 165





	Just Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> idk what happened i went to work on my wip and bam! i guess this is a vent fic? im not in this situation but i needed a little vent and a little hurt what can i say. if u saw the fwb tag and came here for porn i hate to disappoint- but this is all heartache im sorry no sex today. title is taken from just tonight by the pretty reckless. the only editing this got was a quick glance from me so if you spot anything i missed please let me know!

Komaeda crept back from the bathroom, having cleaned up the evidence of what he’d just done with Hinata. He felt _guilty_. Like he was ruining Hinata, contaminating him with his own rot. Even though Hinata said he didn't mind. Even though this was far from the first time they’d done this. Komaeda had let Kamukura use him before, and he derived a perverse joy from letting Hinata use him now. That he was still good for this… It was enough. It had to be enough.

He hesitated at the edge of Hinata’s bed, watching the moonlight spill over his upturned face, his lashes casting thin shadows beneath his eyes. It was a warm night, maybe Hinata would have preferred to be alone. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Komaeda still crawled under the blankets, keeping a safe distance from Hinata. It didn’t feel right, sharing such an intimate moment with Hinata when he was only using him. When it was all that Komaeda deserved.

This was a regular occurrence for them in the last two months, starting soon after Komaeda’s hand had been replaced. Hinata would invite Komaeda to spend the night at his cabin, and Komaeda would accept- and then they’d fuck, clean up, and fall asleep in the same bed. Just like- almost like before. If Komaeda had been able to walk, Kamukura let him leave. Hinata had asked him to stay. _It doesn’t mean anything_. Komaeda shouldn’t even have been allowing himself to stay the night- he should just get Hinata off and leave. But he was disgusting, and he always fell asleep next to Hinata after sex. It was selfish and wrong- and it hurt him more, knowing Hinata didn’t care for him. Knowing that Hinata letting him stay was an act of pity. But he stayed anyway. He was helpless and weak. Pathetic.

In his sleep, Hinata rolled to face away from Komaeda. Of course. Even in his sleep, he didn’t love Komaeda. Would never love Komaeda, no matter how many times they fucked, no matter how hard Komaeda _tried_ \- There was nothing he could do. So he would continue to give the only thing he could, until he had nothing left to give.

Komaeda reached out a hand, brushing over Hinata’s arm, listening carefully in case the movement woke him up. Nothing. Hinata was warm to the touch, and Komaeda’s eyes filled with hot tears. He withdrew his hand slowly, feeling like he’d just broken some unspoken rule, that the world should come crashing down around his ears, that Hinata should wake up and demand he leave- the tears started to spill, warm over his cheeks. He bit his lip to keep from sobbing, uncaring of the tears dripping onto the pillow he borrowed when he was with Hinata. They ran onto his lip and down his chin, and they tasted just as salty as the night air, coming in through the window. Hinata slept with it open in the tropical heat, and when Komaeda slept in bed with Hinata, he wasn’t thinking about points of entry and escape routes and keeping his back to the wall. Sometimes he even hoped someone would break in and kill him. It would’ve been a mercy.

Komaeda got up as quietly as he could, carefully watching and listening for any sound of Hinata waking as he got dressed and slipped his jacket on. Even in the island heat, he wore his jacket. Sometimes it felt like the only defence he had against the world, the only thing keeping his brittle body from falling to pieces beneath him. He swallowed, socked feet quiet on the hardwood floor as he went to tuck the blanket back around Hinata. A stupid, pointless gesture- Hinata would probably just kick it off in the night unthinkingly. He didn’t need to worry about the tearstained pillowcase- it was warm enough that it would dry long before Hinata woke up, the only evidence that something had happened would be Komaeda’s own absence. And why would Hinata worry about that? He should never have stayed in the first place. And he couldn’t. He couldn’t hide how much this hurt him anymore. Being so close to Hinata and yet so far away- it was too much. Having Hinata’s body but not his love- it felt like Komaeda’s heart was twisting in his chest.

He carefully slipped his shoes on, cursing the loud zippers in the silence of the night. Hinata slept on, though. He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse.

“I love you,” Komaeda whispered, the words dying almost as soon as they left his lips. “Goodnight, Hinata.”

He locked the door behind him, a fresh wave of tears streaking down his face as he wandered. He couldn’t go back to his cabin. Empty of anyone or anything- his few possessions packed into the closet. Too similar to Hinata’s cabin. Even the comfort of sitting in his cabin alone had been taken from him. Although it was impeccably clean, even with the sand that seemed to work its way into every area of the island. It wasn’t like Komaeda had anything to do, anymore, except clean. The others all had responsibilities around the island- except for Komaeda. It was clear nobody trusted him, even now. Especially now. They were right not to trust him, or course. He couldn’t touch anything without destroying it. He was truly rotten to the core.

Komaeda found himself wandering down to the beach, leaving his shoes and socks at the base of a tree near the road. The tide was low. He sat at the edge of where the dry beach became wet, sticking his feet into the cool sand, almost enjoying it. He pulled his hood up and lay down, listening to the waves roll gently against the sand, watching the stars. This far away from the pollution of the world post-despair, the stars were still beautiful. It was ironic- that the people who had caused the sky to turn red were some of the few people left who were in a position to see the stars.

He couldn’t find it in himself to be surprised when Hinata sat next to him, crossing his legs, his knee gently knocking against Komaeda’s thigh. Komaeda didn’t acknowledge him. He was reminded of how hollow and empty his heart was. Would always be.

It was Hinata who broke the silence, eventually. “You left… I came to check on you.”

“I did leave,” Komaeda agreed, trying to keep his voice as empty as possible, failing entirely. “And now you’ve checked on me. You can go now.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Hinata asked quietly, tilting his head up to look at the stars with Komaeda.

Komaeda was silent for a few moments. “What would you do if I said yes?”

Hinata’s answer was simple. “I’d go. As long as you promise you’ll see me tomorrow.”

Komaeda’s eyes blurred, the stars winking as he blinked away his tears angrily. “And if I said no?” His tone was almost accusing, even though he knew Hinata didn’t deserve it.

“Then I’d stay with you,” Hinata’s voice was soft.

Komaeda turned his head to look at Hinata. “What if I don’t say anything?” His voice was desperate, almost a challenge- he didn’t even know what he wanted to hear Hinata say. He just needed to stop feeling- to stop the ache in his chest before it consumed him.

Hinata sighed, not unkindly. “Then I’d ask you to come back to bed… You shouldn’t be alone out here.”

“Of course. Of course that’s why.” Komaeda didn’t try to empty his voice this time- it was just as dead as he felt. Even Hinata, who sometimes slept next to Komaeda, didn’t trust him. He never would.

Komaeda didn’t say anything else, just wiped his eyes on his sleeve and swallowed back his tears, and kept watching the stars. If Hinata wasn’t here, maybe he could have walked into the ocean. Just keep going until he can’t stay afloat anymore, let himself sink under the dark water, looking up at the moon reflecting on the surface of the waves. Until he didn’t have to hurt anymore. Of course, he knew drowning wouldn’t be that peaceful.

Hinata had been right not to trust him.

When Hinata stood up, brushing sand off his clothes and stretching a hand out to Komaeda, he accepted anyway. Even as bile rose in his throat and his eyes stung. Maybe Hinata would believe it was from the salt of the ocean’s breeze. Maybe not.

Hinata didn’t release Komaeda’s hand until they were back in his cabin, and Komaeda had to get undressed again, clad only in his boxers as he slipped under the blankets with Hinata. When Hinata carefully set his hand on Komaeda’s waist, it was enough to set him off sobbing again, and he could barely hear the sound of Hinata asking worried questions over the sound of his own crying. He felt Hinata carefully tuck him against his chest, and Komaeda cried harder at that, but his own arms locked around Hinata’s back, holding him closer as he sobbed. _Disgusting. Hypocrite. Selfish. Leave leave leave before he leaves you before he kicks you out-_

Komaeda knew most of his thoughts were irrational, but he had a harder time recognising it with every day that passed. Even then, he knew that Hinata wouldn’t kick out a crying friend- and they were friends, even if they weren’t anything else.

_You don’t deserve his kindness you’re taking advantage of him you’re putrid rotting foul dying-_

He cried himself out in Hinata’s arms, only shaking his head when the other asked him concerned questions. When he had finished crying, he raised his head from Hinata’s chest, eyes bloodshot and swollen. “I’ll tell you later… I can’t. I can’t. Not right now. I just… want to stay like this for tonight.”

“Okay,” Hinata’s eyes were still full of worry, but Komaeda was too exhausted to see it. “You can stay with me tonight… Or whenever, really. Maybe it goes without saying, but you know that, right?”

Komaeda didn’t answer, hiding his head against Hinata’s chest again. He didn’t know. And he didn’t trust that it wasn’t an empty offer. He wouldn’t come to Hinata unless he was asked, no matter how much he wanted to.

Komaeda fell asleep to the feeling of Hinata gently stroking his hair, muttering soothing nonsense and holding him tight. He hated how right it felt. It was torturous, knowing he couldn’t let this happen again. But just for tonight… Just one night. He could have just one night of selfishness. One night of comfort.


End file.
